Poems April 2010

Ominous
And so you go to your fate
Somewhere in the woods - not even a forest, not even a house

In years you might return
No one knowing you anymore
No one ever knew you
Shuffling over to the 7/11
A big moon comes up
And you look paler than usual

Today
The boy has nightmares tonight
I'm not a good dad
Impatient
Am I passing on the worst of me?
The part that wasn't good at sports
The part that lost

This is what life demands of you:
Not much,
But still beyond your capacity.

These are vines
These clocks and schedules
Problems and decisions
They entwine us
Hold us apart

Some climb down your throat
Like a body snatcher
Compelling you to say those things
And maybe they're in my ears
Repeating those words
And are they in my heart?
And are mercy and forgiveness choking?

200 times tired
With summer running up and spring away fast
My two hands work 100 times each but know songs come
Rain drips down as planets fail to collide
Moss and lichen sprout across from us
A no man or woman's land
As flowers are plucked from soldiers' graves.

What does it take?
A broken wing?
Down and out and drinking problems?
Too few phone calls?
Ready? Hear the silence?
Do you feel a warm hand or nothing?
And can it last?
And should it?

The sky is blue in its blackness
Firm as fresh fish
Pungent
A girl much like Eva Braun stretches towards the moon
As flatcars trundle by on the tracks
Why not run away right then and there
To a concrete octagonal house
Stuccoed white in good repair
Books on the shelves with intriguing titles
And later the two share a meal, taking turns serving each other
Quietly such that the clock two rooms away seems loud
Echoing in the hall
Like amorati, but then
nooseless and tired he ends the day to begin it again tomorrow

Jet away to a slim dirty blonde girl
With a low, halting voice and dark blue eyes
I climb on the fence, look out over grass
Cloud shadows roll across
The sun dips and it gets colder

Night and crystal clear
The thoughts of the watchman
Asleep and parapet-less
The pacing of the guard
In his head
Halberd at the ready
To fence out the circus
Fence out the zoo
With angels snoozing above
Angels twisting the blankets
Angels having the watchman's nightmare
Of lonely dinner
Empty photo frames
Dirty bathroom
The curtains that came with the place

A small doll
Finds me under a chair
We are both unwanted in the way we are unwanted
In the way

But that was years ago
Behind the mountains
And towns have since sprung up

All days wrapped into one hour
All words wrapped into one moment
Relived forever and ever
Like a black dead diamond
Rolled about the fingers
Each facet felt
And the dull sparkle of a dying ember
Tossing light which cannot be seen around the room

Why I walk is you
complain about my shoes
and
the mud I leave behind
from the wanders and paths
I'm down six all moments
I'm down under your foot

She breezes in brave
As she ever was
Beautiful and forgiveable

Eyes wide with questions asking
"where are all the boys? I need to break some hearts."

When we let them run wild sometimes they return
Only if we forgive them before they go

A drone
Miles off
Light trickles down the staircase
Two cars rush by
One
Two
I could count to a thousand
Rather that climb those stairs
And what is up there doesn't wait for me but will get me none the less
Exhausted at almost 2am

Gorgeous night falls
Silken hands beckon across a chasm
My toes on the edge
My ties severed
I remember kissing you goodnight on your neck
Your gentle breathing
Soft on my hand

After a day of watching boys play

To nestle in blankets

Silence on the radio

Breath as slow as clock clicks

Lonely hands wish for something soft

Hold me down
And pick me up
Scoop out the summer sun
And the winters rain
Cold on the hill of my neck
And open to interpretation

No one knows which path to go
Which god to follow
Which words will sooth

I've nothing to give
Nothing to take
Wander the yard
Look up at the sky

Was it the lure of summer sun
Which lights up the azure harbor
Reflected back in your eyes
Wearing a slinky black little thing
Legs crossed under the table

But what's happening?
What's happening now!

The night is good to me
A friend that mumble whispers the answers to the test
a nodding god to my prayers

Too often I've walked off
Night brings me back everytime
Drops me off at my garage door
saying "sweat dreams, kiddo, see ya."

Night is my pillow and blanket
My cave against the wild and the wind
My eyes collapse as the night tumbles onward
Deep into the night til the sun is ready to return to who he belongs

Get to bed early
To sleep perchance to dream
With the whisper of far away cars
Going to someplace new
In the back seat kissing and holding hands
Sliding on the ice on the Pennsylvania turnpike
Crushed once maybe for good
Everyone smoking and eating jewish food
I could dream all this without
special effects

Downstairs
The girls watch Gone With The Wind

The boys sleep
Upstairs

In my head I hold and store everything - a faithful St Bernard librarian

Mind your soul when you pass, though
Bumping into the wrong soul can hurt

We're out off the harbor
A big net tossed out

We catch and catch
Throw nothing back
A haulin' wooden ice chests full
O'er the dock

But what do we catch of ourselves
That we throw back
And catch again
And throw back
Endlessly
On the endless sea
Of who did what to whom

Two thousand years ago there was death

10 hours ago I got in a car and drove

Will there be rebirth that is anything more than heresay I cannot say
But I pray:
Dear Lord: please grant me peace when I am awake - like the peace I know when I'm dreaming and lost, found by someone someday

Today I kicked in a window
Saw some Jasper Johns an a great Monet
And drank half a box of wine in a hot bath
So hot I thought my toes might drop
Off

What will happen is what
will
happen

Tonight I celebrate and mourn the audacious clarity of the inevitable

Tonight I am ok with everything from pie flavor to eventual death

Tonight I know the simplicity of myself and the limits of my own goodness, and my own badness

Truly I will never be more free
Because tonight I know exactly
What to do

And it scares me

Loneliness can take on different shapes
And stalk us like a sad silent panther
Or grow in vines from our bed or car seat

Mine looks like a quiet old man

Yours is a fire in your chest which burns everyone and is inexhaustible these days

Oh the places anger will take you

Whatever can be done
Cannot be done
And things cannot be undone

Seagulls fly and sparrows poop inside
We just cover our beer

Outside, somewhere beautiful
Spiced and longing for more than all that tumbles out of a mouth
Loosened by a migrane

Two feet can walk a trail winding along a beach

Two feet can pause before a Cezanne in a museum

Two feet can do many things